What To Do At Home During The Coronavirus

This shit is scary and weird, y’all. With so many news articles and posts flying around about Coronavirus, it’s easy to get bogged down by it all, believe everything you see and hear, and let your anxiety get the best of you—especially if you’re already prone to anxiety. If that’s the case, I’m right there with you, trust me. The good news, though, is that we’re literally all in this together. In my almost 33 years of life, I’ve never seen the nation come together like this to “flatten the curve,” as they’re saying. Yes, “social distancing” sucks and events big and small getting canceled sucks (my heart is with those who have a wedding in the next month or two. Literally, I’m so sorry. I cannot imagine), but (hopefully) it’s only going to suck for a little while and the suckage will be trumped by the rewards we reap from our giant effort to fight this thing together.

In the meantime though, we’re going to have a lot of free, alone time on our hands. A lot. Like, too much. Personally, I’m a little worried for myself in terms of alcohol consumption because I like libations and when there’s not much to do, I like them even more. To combat the inherent desire to entertain myself with the bottle, I’ve come up with a list of productive ideas that will keep you distracted, busy, and feeling somewhat accomplished as you learn every nook and cranny of your house in a way you never wanted to.

  • Get a jumpstart on your springtime closet purge. If you don’t do this with every changing season, start! It’s an amazing way to declutter your wardrobe and give things away (or sell them) that you haven’t worn since last year or come to grips with having outgrown a piece figuratively or literally.

  • Actually do and keep up with your laundry. Wash it. Dry it. Fold it. Put it away. Revel in the domestic goddess you’re slowly becoming.

  • Deep clean your house like you’ve been meaning to for the last two months. I’m talking taking a mop to the wood floors, wiping down the baseboards, cleaning the fan blades and light switches, scrubbing down the tub. If you’re gonna be isolated in your house, might as well make it a super clean house whose floor you could eat off of.

  • Reorganize your kitchen, bedroom, bathroom drawers. Whether that means throwing away old medicine or products you don’t use, refolding all your t-shirts, or organizing your nightstand!

  • Finally watch that one movie or start that one series you’ve been saving for the right moment. My list: The Marie Kondo one, the new season of Ugly Delicious, Modern Love, the Taylor Swift doc, The Office for the 1300th time, etc.

  • READ! A book! Not your phone, idiot! Honestly, this is me yelling at me but you get to experience it, too. I WILL be starting a new book. Probably tonight.

  • Use FaceTime like you’ve never used it before. Capitalize on this “social distancing” by making time to check in with old friends and family members and make actual phone call (assuming they actually answer).

  • See how drunk you can get by yourself at home. Just once. Just to see how it is. Maybe send me video DMs. IDK.

  • Masturbate more than usual cause why not?

  • See how creative you can get with the ridiculous amount of provisions you’ve stocked up on. I’m eyeing this pantry pasta recipe from Bon Appetit and going to be googling other recipes to share with y’all that you can make with what you have on hand!

  • Put every little thing away. As in, random pieces of paper, pens, mail, hair ties, empty Amazon boxes. Everything has a home and even though it’s so annoying to find it, find it.

  • If the gym is a no-go for you, search for free at-home workouts so your muscles don’t atrophy. There are so many amazing ones on Instagram—you just gotta take the time to look through the hashtags. Also, go on walks!

  • Shop Amazon. Shop it all. Shop so much. And also check out my EmmaZon picks.

  • Watch these videos of me reading from my teenage diaries a few years ago on stage if you haven’t because they are very entertaining.

Whatever you do throughout the next little bit, try for productivity, drink wine, wash your hands if you venture out, don’t make out with anyone new, and read a damn book, bitch.

xox,

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