New Year, Same Me (but better)

New year, new you, right? Nah. That’s way too lofty, and we don’t do lofty around here—we do reasonable, attainable, and realistic. People have thoughts on New Year’s as a holiday itself, on what it symbolizes. Some subscribe to the idea that it’s ridiculous to “start over” or even flirt with the idea of setting goals. Others firmly believe the Spring Equinox is the actual start of the new year and fresh beginnings. And there’s most of us who happily lean into the hard sell of January 1 being your one chance to wipe the slate clean and start from scratch with a new, shiny, still-in-the-box year ahead of you. I absolutely fall into this category.

This is my 36th new year of life, though, so I’ve learned some things along the way, one of which is to not make such massive declarations about what I’d like to accomplish in the coming weeks and months. I’ve found that the more specific and smaller the goal is, the more likely you are to adhere to it so today, I want to share a few of my 2023 resolves with you. I’m setting my intentions with these resolves for the year, but am preemptively weaving grace into all of them because we’re only human after all.

Resolve #1: Get my nutrition back on track

I’ve been working with my personal trainer for going on 3+ years now, and we have been up, down and all around with diet (in the actual sense of the term, not A diet), exercise, and everything in between when it comes to personal health. 2022 was a “maintenance” year for me in that, while I absolutely wanted to do the bridal thing and lose weight before my wedding, it didn’t work out like that at all. I had too much going on and too many distractions, so my nutrition fell by the wayside a bit. Working out never did because working out is never my issue—it’s portion control. So last year, I fluctuated as I usually do mostly staying the same size but yo-yo’ing as well, and I have no regrets. But if 2022 was about maintaining (and ok yeah, gaining a little), 2023 is about trimming it up WITH a caveat, though—trimming up until we get pregnant whenever that may be. We absolutely want to conceive this year, but only the powers that be know when that might happen so I’m letting go and letting God. Jesus take the wheel, as they say. However, until that day comes, I’m going to be extremely dedicated to sticking to my new protein goals, calorie ranges, workouts, and all else. I am the heaviest I’ve ever been right now, which isn’t necessarily a “bad” thing (and yes, muscle weighs more than fat) but I absolutely want to slim down where I can so I’m physically and mentally lighter for the pregnancy phase in my life (God willing we get there). So that’s my first resolve.

Resolve #2: No matter where I go, a small notebook and a novel are coming with me

As a writer, I’ve gone through many phases throughout the years wherein I carry a tiny notebook with me in my bag and jot down ideas and thoughts. I haven’t done this in a long time, though, and after reading David Sedaris’ new book and learning that he is a serial journaler and has been his entire life, I decided to put a very small notebook in my purse along with a pen. I’m an extremely observant person with an overwhelming amount of thoughts every day and while the notes app on our iPhones is great for some things, I feel a true writer needs to have pen and paper on them always. I’ve also made the resolve that if I’m heading to a doctor’s appointment, a pedicure, or any sort of event where I’m going to have down time, whatever book I’m reading is coming with me. You just never know what the day will bring or how long you may have to wait somewhere, and those moments are perfect for getting a few pages read. If you’re a Kindle girlie, that’s great—I just don’t do e-books or audio books. I love the feeling of a hardcover or paperback in my hands too much to ever give that up. So if you see me reading in public this year, come up and say “Proud of you, girl.”

Resolve #3: Start getting ready an hour before I need to leave the house

I have prided myself for so long on being “low maintenance” when it comes to getting ready. I’ve always thought it was a personality trait to be able to get ready in 20 minutes. This year, however, taught me that I can no longer adhere to such short timelines, and I have to stop lying to myself. It’s not like my getting ready routine has changed all that much—it’s just that I like to take my time more than I realized, and I’m almost always standing naked in my closet at 6:55pm when I need to leave the house at 7pm and I HATE IT. I get so stressed, so anxious, and I have no one to blame but my dumb self! So I resolve to allot myself a full hour to get ready slowly, so I have enough time to get frustrated about my hair not cooperating and try on at least four outfit combinations until I find the right thing (unless I have my outfit pre-planned, but that is very rare). I feel really good about this, guys.

Resolve #4: Slow down in general

My biggest takeaway from our time in Italy this past fall was just how s l o w life is there. And not in a lazy way. Rather, in a beautiful, intentional way. America is all about hustle culture, which there are definite positives to, but it gets really grating. I feel like I’m in a constant state of stress or hurriedness and for what? I make my own schedule. I do things when I want to. I don’t need to be in this never-ending task-oriented frenzy. Just because I park closer, walk faster, breathe harder doesn’t mean I’m going to change the outcome of the task at hand. Instead of always having errands to run, things to do, places to be, I’m going to practice reminding myself that it will all get done whether I sprint or walk. That it’s okay if you don’t get every single minute thing done on today’s list—there’s always tomorrow (unless the “thing” you didn’t get done is pick your kid up from school. Maybe do that).

Resolve #5: Learn how to do a cat eye

I can’t believe I’m 35 years old and writing this. It’s embarrassing. But if you guys had any idea about my history with eyeliner, you’d understand. Just ask my best friend of 25 years, Kelley. She’ll tell you. For as long as we lived together in college, she had to do my eyeliner for me because I just couldn’t figure it out. Eyeliner has always intimidated me. It’s just so goddamn precise, and my dexterity is a joke when it comes to precision. I can eat anything with chopsticks, but if you have a knot in your necklaces, don’t come to me. I’ll make it worse. Anyway, I have never once been able to accomplish a worthy cat eye, and I have TRIED. So many times. I’ve watched every “cat eye for beginners” video on YouTube, and still, my brain doesn’t compute. I have hooded eyes, too, which makes the whole thing even harder, and I’ve watched every “EASY cat eye for hooded eyes — SO SIMPLE!” video on YouTube as well, and NOTHING. It’s beyond infuriating—I JUST WANT TO MAKE MY EYES LOOK SEXY AT NIGHTTIME. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK? So my resolve in 2023 is to finally fucking learn how to do a goddamn cat eye on my motherfucking stupid eye!

Resolve #6: Spread the love on Instagram

It’s so easy to get into the never-ending mind numbing scroll without engaging at all. We’ve all been there. I “like” so many things in my mind, but don’t actually, physically “like” them. I think sweet thoughts to myself all the time, too, like “AW! So cute” or “Wow she looks amazing” or “OMG I love that!” but don’t take the time to pause and comment. So I’m making it a resolve of mine to be more active when I’m scrolling. I spend so much time on this godforsaken app as it is, I can at least make it a positive thing by spreading the love where I see fit! If you see me commenting on your posts this year, you know where it’s coming from.

Resolve #7: Be even more unapologetically me

This is something I already do, but when I really sit down and think about it, it’s not to the level I feel it could be. As a creator and very online person who is constantly putting things out there to be absorbed and ultimately judged by strangers, there are times you hold back some even when it’s not necessary. Of course, you must keep some things sacred. But I’m talking about second-guessing yourself before posting a selfie or stating a totally valid opinion that you’re worried a few people may not agree with. I resolve to just not really give a fuck in 2023. A beautiful thing about getting older and growing confidence in yourself as a person is that you truly start to not care as much in terms of how you’re perceived or if people are talking shit about you. “What people say about you is none of your business” is something I like to remind myself of when I’m letting my imagination run wild, and while I always receive praise from my audience about how real and authentic I am, I feel like I can be even more so and do even better for you guys.

Here’s an example: Since July, I have gained AND lost 500 Instagram followers. I’ve broken even, but 500 LOST?! That’s 500 people (or maybe bots, who knows) who decided they didn’t like what I was offering so they bounced. This sort of thing can make you immediately turn inward and analyze what it is about you that’s so off putting and offensive? You ask yourself how you can maybe reframe your content and personality so it’s more universal and likable? What are you doing so “wrong”? FUCK THAT is what I have to say. Absolutely not. Looking back on 2022, I wouldn’t change a damn thing about what I chose to put out there and share. It was my wedding season, and as one would presume, I was giddy and obsessive about planning and it was a major focal point of my life. That’s pretty specific content, so I completely understand why someone following me who is unhappy in their own life would leave. I’ve been there; I’ve unfollowed for similar reasons. But it’s not my job to appease everyone or appeal to everybody. I can’t. No one can (except maybe dogs, but even then if you listen to my podcast, people come for Goldendoodles all the time!). All I can be is me and that’s all I WANT to be because I like myself (most days). What I’m trying to say is that this resolve involves me not allowing myself to blame me for any lost engagement or even TOY with the idea of not being exactly who I am for fear of turning someone off. I’m Emma fucking Golden Miller (!!!), and I’ve got some things to say about everything. If you’re here for it—YAY! If you’re not, that’s okay too.

Happy 2023, everyone! I hope yours is off to a great start.